I've felt lonely so many times lately, and I think thats for the Lord's purpose... even as much as it hurts my own heart. The Lord has been trying to catch me. First, I was just running off on my own saying, "no, Lord... I don't need you right now". Which I'm sure has broken His heart. He gave me a taste of my own medicine. There were times that I would want to be with someone, and either plans broke... or they said they couldn't... and It began to break my heart. To care about someone, and not be able to spend time with them downright SUCKS. Yep, I know how Jesus feels.
So then I hurt my knee. This seems to be a consistent theme in November every year for me. So I go to the Doctor, and he takes a few x-rays. When he shows them to me... he says, "see this? this is a chipped bone in your knee, and I'm not super sure how you managed to do that". I'm thinking to myself... "Great. This is just what I need". The doctor says, "We'll do an MRI, and then we will come back and talk about when you will have surgery". Great news. Im about to have surgery AND head halfway across the world within 6 weeks.
So, I live with a week of crutches... and that was painful in itself. Not just on my body, but mentally too. I began to have to rely on other people to do small tasks i've been able to do my whole life. Such as... opening a door... or getting my food... stuff like that.
I needed to get groceries, so I was walking [crutching] into wal mart the other day... and these people said, "Hey, can I pray for you?". First of all, I'm not about to turn down prayer... but second of all... you are standing outside asking people if you can PRAY for them?? are you kidding me? So, of course I say yes. The girl came and put her hand on my knee, and began to pray for me. I didn't feel anything, I'll admit..... ANNND I was a wee bit skeptical. After she was done, she said, "does it feel any different?" I said not really, but it doesn't hurt all the time either.... I went in and made a point not to talk to them on my way out.
[Disclaimer: I've always been a little skeptical of people who say they can heal... its not talked about in a Baptist Church... neither is the Holy Spirit... plus.. it scared me.]
Later that day, I caught myself walking completely normal without my crutches. I started thinking, "are you kidding me??" So I am thinking, "how do I even explain this tomorrow??" So I used my crutches anyways.
That's the God I serve.
I went to the doctor today to read my MRI tests. The doctor looked at me and said, "are you feeling better?" I replied with "yes, alot better actually... thanks!". And he said, well, thats good, because we can't find anything wrong.. theres no torn tissue... no torn or stretched ligaments... and we can't even find evidence of that bone we saw in the x-ray.".... Uhm... hi... Doctor...?
Thats the God I serve. He is a miracle worker. He's my physician. He healed me, when I needed to obey Him the most.
That's the God I serve.