Ramblings of a confused heart.

I get into this predicament at LEAST twice, maybe 3 times a semester.

Well It happened again. It usually happens about in the same time as a plateau in my spiritual walk (coincidence?).

Of course, its a boy.

And of COURSE, it's the same boy.

I really can't take this anymore.

My parents think we are getting married.

His parents think we are getting married.

His siblings think we are getting married.

WE think we are getting married.

but we also realize how terribly wrong we are for each other.

Well, maybe on my end. I feel I would actually be a pretty good fit for him. But him for me? HECK NO. Well. Yes, except for one huge huge concept:

He doesn't love Jesus like a man should.

Which is my biggest problem with him. actually, my only problem with him.

He also says he doesn't have the desire, longing, or devotion like I have to my King.

Well, dangit. I mean, at least if he had the desire, I could compromise, right? I mean really... it sucks feeling like you are throwing the love of your life out of the window. Someone (personality wise) that you could see yourself with for the rest of your life. All because of one thing.

But its the biggest thing.

And in my sinful, human mind... this doesn't all seem to add up.

Oh Lord, Guard my heart. Love me more and more intimate than any man ever will. I pray for his heart God. Not because I want to date him, but because I want him to long for you. I want him to experience and love you more than he ever has. Lord, you are good.

All I'm asking, is that you won't be like the rest.

Please, don't grab my heart and string it 3,000 miles away.

Please, if you aren't interested, stop acting as such.

You are amazing. Please don't prove me wrong.

Oh, Dad.

This is from a sermon. I Just wanted to post it somewhere.

Verse: Hebrews 12. Listen to it on iTunes - type in Frontline podcasts, and then listen to Ecclesia (its the newest one)

“you serve a guy who got cruicified. There was a moment in your life where you said, “I want to follow jesus”, I want be a diciple of Jesus.. and what you might have failed to recognize is that people treated jesus like CRAP.

Jesus’ family didn’t understand him

Jesus’ friends bailed on him in his darkest hour.

Jesus learned obedience from the things he suffered.

He’s getting in our face, saying “stop being so flippin’ soft”… “Suck it up”

What made you think following a guy that got murdered would be easy? The safest place to be is inside of God’s will – REALLY?? – it wasn’t for peter, peter got cruicifed upside down.

Maybe God is allowing you to go through hard times – because he is trying to dicipline you… and make you more like jesus… so are you aren’t spoiled and rotten and get everything you want.