"when I look at our churches, this is what I see: alot of people who have added Jesus to their lives. People who have, in a sense, asked Him to join them on their life journey, to follow them wherever they feel they should go, rather than following Him as commanded. The God of the universe is not something we can just add to our lives and keep on as we did before. The spirit who raised Christ from the dead is not someone we can just call on when we want a little extra power in our lives. Jesus Christ did not die in order to follow US. He died and rose again so that we could forget everything else and follow Him to the cross, to the life" -Francis Chan

Humming a different tune...

've written you a lot of songs
The kind you write on rainy days
Unrequited love
But now I'm humming a different tune
Just twelve hours ago
I was sitting on a bench with you

I've never heard of something that sweet
But are you sure you want me?

I tried to say, I want this to work
And yet take off the weight
If you change your mind, I won't hurt forever
Because I don't know what else to do
But I'd do anything to have three more hours on a bench with you

I've never heard of something that sweet
But are you sure you want me?

Everything within me doesn't want to risk
Doesn't want to risk anymore
But if it means I get to see the light in your eyes
I'll risk so much more

I've never heard of something that sweet
But are you sure you want me?

I won't be full of second guesses
So now I'll just sit and think about how sweet it is
-Bethany Dillon - Are you Sure?

And here is my current concern....

I decided today it would be a good idea to start looking at seminaries. I wasn't too prepared with the college scenario, so I decided to get a head start today. Overwhelming. What am I doing with my life? All of the sudden, I couldn't think why I'm a Communications major, why I want to go to seminary, if I'm limited on what I can study in seminary because I'm a girl... and all of these things started to unfold in front of my eyes.

Along with these other concerns, this weekend I've been thinking quite a bit about what I want to do with my life. I want to work with a youth group. I want to disciple, encourage, and motivate students. I want the outcast girls to love Jesus. I want the prissy girls to love Jesus. This is what I want to spend my life doing... but I'm not so sure what Jesus thinks sometimes


Jesus gives a good example in Luke 9. In verse 59, To another he said, "Follow me." But he said, "Lord, let me first go and bury my father". And Jesus said to him, "Leave the dead to bury their own dead. But as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God."

I don't know where to start - or where to serve. Or what that looks like. I've had a hard enough time trying to find a church home here in this town, much less somewhere to serve.

Growing up sucks.

Revival is near...

I am so thankful to have finally found a church family. Huge blessing. As of right now, it is 30 minutes away from where I live, but there is a church plant coming to my city. PTL (Praise the Lord). Through that, God has opened so many doors for me to know him more, and know him intimately.

All my life, I've grown up in a fairly conservative church... which, don't get me wrong - they are doing some great things in the world. This year is the first time, however, i have been introduced to the Holy Spirit in my life. Because of that, my life has drastically, and its an unexplainable thing. I've never in my life thought as God, the creator of the universe mind you, as a healer, my passion, my flame, my fire. Never have I seen God that way. I know thats crazy to say, but I think so many times we begin to ignore who he is and why he is here. We get caught up in tradition singing songs and then having a three point sermon. Recently, I visited a church with my friend that sang before worship... and I didn't see one person singing a heartfelt message (i know, who am i to judge). We sing to INVITE the holy spirit in. I think at some point we've gone all wrong in deciding how services should be held, or what constructs a 'sermon'... I think sometimes we think we need fill in the blanks on our bulletin or we need a 3 point sermon with all of the points beginning with the letter 'S'.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that sometimes, we all put God in this box, and we don't allow him to escape. Sometimes, we put him inside a stained glass window and we don't let him out. What I'm asking you to do, and hoping you will see... is to let him out... There are so many great things that are still to be done, and if we don't rely on the Holy Spirit to do it... WHO WILL?! We, as humans, can't convict, or comfort, heal, be a fire, or a flame. But Christ can. Let him out. Allow him to work. Allow the world to change because of it.

I guess thats what has been on my heart lately.

Also, I'm realizing more and more that I am dealing with some culture-shock issues. I've become less motivated, more messy, and more aggravated with the Church. I don't know if you can see that within my writings.



As you look at a few of these photos today, I ask that you would please join me in praying for Atheist and Buddhist Asia.



Funny thing that happened this week:
-my friends apparently (jokingly) signed me up for an online dating service. Goodness. That was fun...


Well. Thanks for reading!

I've started a new book...

Last year, I went through a study with my friends called "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. It was an amazing study that really taught me more about myself. Recently, I just began a new book also by Francis Chan, called "Forgotten God". It focuses mainly on the Holy Spirit, which is what the book is about. Here are a few excerpts:

"If we read and believed these accounts, we would expect a great deal of the Holy Spirit. He would not be a mostly forgotten member of the Godhead whom we occasionally give a nod of recognition to which is what He has become in most American churches. We would expect our new life with the Holy Spirit to look radically different from our old life without Him."

"I'm just not convinced we've internalized this truth and enjoyed His blessings as He intends. it seems like this is mostly head knowledge to us, and that we have not owned it. It has not really made much of a difference in our lives, to the degree that if we woke up tomorrow and discovered that it is not true the Holy Spirit lives inside of us, most likely our lives wouldn't look much different. "

There's another story, I will save for another time. I just really enjoy this book so far. If you get a chance, go read it! I think It is so true today - We've forgotten about someone that Jesus left us on earth with. In Johns gospel,Jesus gave the disciples a reassurance that another Comforter would come... "another Counselor to be with them forever (14:16). We've forgotten about the Holy Spirit. I'm currently taking a class right now, and we are reading through Acts... and the disciples of that time waited in anticipation for the Holy Spirit... we've lost something along the way.


Anyways, I got offered a really great job tonight, and I'm stoked about it. I will be in Shawnee this Summer - which sounds boring, but my three best friends will be here too, so it can't be too bad. My friend Heather (also name twin) and I went to eat mexican food tonight in Norman. We tried to go to Teds... but there was an HOUR AND A HALF wait... it wasn't worth it. Then we went to get some boba tea (mine tasted just like MTR that I had while in Asia). And then - the most unexpected thing of all: I got to see my two very very good friends Becca and Casey. I worked with them this past summer, and we all have a heart for the same country. They are such good friends of mine; I can't imagine life without them. I haven't seen them in about 6 months either, so it was definatley a surprise! Here are some pictures! ENJOY!

Breaking up is hard to do...

It occurred to me last night that What God talks about in his word is so relevant to us today. He calls us, as his Church, His bride. What a beautiful picture.

Recently (for those of you who do not keep up with my blog) I recently ended an unhealthy 6 year relationship. I was [and still could say I am] in love with this boy. He's perfect to me, and I'm so happy around him anytime I get the chance. But, something just wasn't right. I know for a fact that I am called to serve in ministry, and missions. His heart just wasn't in the same place mine is in. We both were too scared to commit, I think.

The funny thing is - is that's what we do to God. We could marry him, he IS perfect for us - we just don't want to commit. I know how God feels now, to have is heart attached to me while I run to other things that really don't concern him at all.


Father, help me be closer to you. Help me live as a member of your bride. Amen

Well, I did it.

It is over. I can't believe I did it. I flat out told him he wasn't the man I want to spend the rest of my life with (which is a bummer. really), and it would be best if we didn't see each other for awhile.

How Liberating.

I don't know how he's taking it. I think it scares him - that the girl thats been his crutch for 6 years now is tired of being there. I'm scared too, little does he know. But I'm ready to move on.... maybe. He's been my crutch for 6 years now, too.

Praise the Lord. Thank you Lord for revealing to me that you have better plans for me than I do. Thank you for loving me more than any man could.

Another thing I did: bake a cake from scratch. This is a first for me. I'm baking it for a few friends birthdays... a joint birthday party! I'm making icing from scratch, too. I hope they turn out good.