i found God where the west was all but one...

Heads up: the new "The Fray" album is great. It's self titled, and I recommend it to everyone, no joke. My favorite song is their single, "You found me". It's lovely.

My first day of class was yesterday - It's so great to be back in a routine again. I know for awhile, I have just complained about school. Not necessarily my education.. because I absolutley love it. I just feel really left out of the "in crowd". I came to a realization today while sitting in a boring class... The Lord brings me to the wilderness here. He puts me in a situation he constantly reminds me of his love for me. He puts me here so I can draw closer to him. I may not be in with the "in crowd" or even have many friends in general... but thats just not what this life is about, to be honest. I need the wilderness... Despite how sometimes it is so very ugly, depressing, and lonely. It's what I need.

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, lately. I don't prefer to go into much detail, but I would like to say that sometimes, I throw out the phrase, "I deserve so much better"... but deep in my heart, I don't even believe that. Love is a funny thing, you know. Somedays I pray everyone is right, and some i hope and fight for everyone in the world to be completley wrong. Yes, sorry this is extremely vague.

hammers and strings...

"14Do everything without complaining or arguing, 15so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe" --Philippians 2:14-15

I've observed lately in myself and others.. we complain about everything, and we forget we are so unbelievably blessed. This is something I am working at : stopping complaining.

There are times when I find myself arguing with myself about doctrine. What's right, whats wrong.. and I have decided.. I'm done with doctrine! I just want to follow Jesus' footsteps. I don't need to make following him any more diffult than it is.

I found a body of believers that I enjoy here in the city. Of course, the Sunday I find it is my last one here. Blah. It's difficult sometimes. I plan on getting involved back in shawnee at this church called "Heritage". Although alot of people from OBU go there... I will try to like it. I want to get involved in the youth group and such... because there is nothing like being in ministry again.

This is just a little update, I guess. It's icy here.

Making History.

I woke up sick today, and my body told me at 6:15 am it was time to start my day. Although I objected, my eyes would not re-close. So, I turned on the TV - and I saw the Today show.. and I thought, "YES! I never get to watch this"... so I turned it on. Apparantly, it's inauguration day for the 44th President of the United States. I have been shocked all day [and yes, ALL day describes that I have been watching this from 7-7, plusthe parties going on right now]. By shocked, I mean, I have never seen a president so idolatrized. I have never seen over 1,000,000 people on National Television put hope in a president. Someone JUST like them.

I don't think having the first African - American president means that for the first time Martin Luther King Jr.'s dream is coming true. 'I have a dream that one day my children will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character'. His dream included equality for ALL people. As far as I am concerned... that has happened. Every race in America has equality. And though an individual may treat another indiviual differently doesn't mean that either of them has less or more rights or privelages. If you don't want the title... don't act the title.

I am reminded today of od's love for us - he didn't make me to love this country (PRAISE GOD!).
...I am the LORD your God, who has set you apart from the nations. - Leviticus 20:24

In Matthew 16, Jesus tells us to be aware of the Sadducees and Pharisees. These were two large political groups. Sound familiar?

Lastly... my allegiance goes to a King in a kingdom, because we'll never have a savior on Capitol Hill - Derek Webb.

you could look inside to see what's on my mind...

God is so very, very good.

I see freedom.
I see us - the Body of the GREAT I Am - circled around a fountain.
This fountain of changing colors.
It's dancing for us, don't you see?
Just as this water just is,
so is I AM.
We are circled with many instruments.
Including books we took from the library.
A coffee cup instead of throwing it away.
We sing.
We are free.
Our soul longs after The Water.
It's our hearts desire.
We find freedom in our Father for the first time.



and He is in fact glorified.

church hoppin'.

As many of you know, I'm trying to find a new-home-church. This has been a very hard task for me; for its the first time I've looked for a new church outside the only one I have ever known. This morning, my friend Matt and I decided to try out Northview Community Church. We parked in the parking lot, next to the big sign that said ,"11:00 Morning Experience". We noticed a few people coming out.. but we still walked in. We saw a whole bunch of people standing in church social circles... and we opened the door to the sanctuary - it was completley black.. no sign of life in the room at all.

It was only 10:50, so we decided to rush to the church we have visited for the past 3 weeks.. and we got in the car, and shockingly got there in 5 minutes (he was driving...). We walked in, a man opened the door for us.. but it was pretty quiet. I figured they started a bit early. And as we walked into the sanctuary, the speaker said, "...and in conclusion..". We sat down for about 10 minutes, and it turns out church had started at 10:00 instead of 11:00 this week. So, I guess Pastors across the state took the day off. It would have been helpful if the man who opened the door for us told us they were almost done.

Christmas was pretty good. I got an iphone! :) Well. I'm off to conquer the world.

See ya!

I realized there was something I've been meaning to blog about all week!

The other day, I went to the Optometrist for my yearly eye-appointment exam. I am never too thrilled about these, because it seems like when he is looking into my eye with that small microsope he holds in his hand.. he is WAY too close to my face. I have to hold myself from laughing (and for those of you who know me, thats not an easy task to do!).

As I walked in today, the secretary was helping an elderly lady try on a pair of glasses. I couldn't help myself when I overheard their conversation about the ladys age. She said, "You know, i'm 99!". I thought to myself... "This lady is 99 and NOT in a nursing home or a wheelchair?? REALLY?". She was such a joyful lady. After she had finished, She looked at her husband (or brother, or friend) and said, "I'm just so thankful I have my helper".

I wonder sometimes if YHWH sees us in that light. When we are near to him, when we NEED him, when we are desperate for his Hesed... if he just wants to hear us say, "I'm so thankful I have my helper".

The LORD is with me; he is my helper. I will look in triumph on my enemies
-Psalm 118:7

....and...EVEN unto us.

I recently have discovered my dwindling of friends here in Oklahoma City.

Oklahoma City just... isn't the 'happening place to be' now-a-days. When I was in Highschool... well.. it wasn't too cool then either... but at least I felt like I had friends! All my friends have recently moved away or changed lifestyles... which is practically like moving away. I've "caught up" with the few that live here.. and i don't want to sound dissatisfied, but I just miss all my other friends. It just kind of sucks feeling like at school it's just a glorified, higher-education - highschool.. and coming here and feeling like you don't belong. I guess its just the season bringing me down. Friends, I miss you.

I have begun "church hopping". I have never.. EVER in my life not had a church home - except when I was without a heavenly father. No place has seemed like "home" yet... no group of believers have made me feel welcome (actually, noone who are 'members of a church' have even come up and introduced themselves to me!). I miss Wednesday nights at the Wharf. A challenging message was always presented, and it seemed as if we worked together as the body of Christ (most of the time.. ). That's where most of my friends came from. Perhaps this is why I may be a little down.

On another note, It's almost Christmas.. and... this is the first Christmas I have ever witnessed that is actually somewhat cold, and makes me look festive. You never know what the weather here in Oklahoma will bring, but I do know that my closet has nothing for these 15 degree temperatures! I hope I get a new sweater for Christmas.

This Christmas, I want to share love with someone: a family, a cashier, or a person carrying tons of groceries to their car. I personally don't have the finances currently to allow me to go buy them a huge present (I barely bought my family anything). I do want to share with them that I deeply care about them. I would like to share with them the true meaning of Christmas. Speaking of Which, at Bridgeway a couple Sundays ago, Joel shared this poem.. which warmed my heart and made me want to share the gospel with everyone I knew. Love you all!
Merry Christmas!

Unto us a child is born
unto all of usunto the widow unto the homeless the addict the AIDS patient
unto us the football captain
and the drag queen
unto us the politicianthe factory blue collar us the single mother the crack baby and unto us the affluent suburbanite unto us the goth the hippie the rocker the alternative and undergroundunto us in Hollywood and on Madison Avenue and unto all of us in between unto us in the gutters of Calcuttaunto the Muslim and the Jew the Buddhist the Krishna and the Hindu unto us the fatherless unto the heavenly fatherless For unto us a child is born a son is givenand a secret revolution begun. This is what the prophets had been preparing for.They said his name would be, “Most Beautiful Wisdom”“the Highest of Heaven’s Secrets” his name would be “the God who continually bends over backwards for you” “the God who gets down on his hands and knees” “the God who would become silly and mis-understood”“the God who would be mocked- - the God whose namewould be taken in vain.” He would be called “the God of underdogs”“the God of the powerless and unspiritual”“the God of those who cannot pray or fast” And there would be no end to him and hisunderdog weaklings or their secretthere would be no end evenwhile the nations continue to rage on even as ethnos rises against ethnos even as valleys are filled with dead bones and rivers run with blood even as violence runs through our streets and schools and hearts covering us like a thick fog Even in this dark land of weak people the God who bends over backwards will shine forth like a great light as the dawning of a new day letting his secret spread forth with healing and joy.Drop the mirror and let it shatterCrush the hourglass and stop the clocks ticking stand still hold your breath anticipate—imagine your wildest dreams. Sell everything and buy the farm Come with me, cover your eyes and hold out your hands stop your weepingstop your groans the fast is over. Let the celebration begin the father has come He has sent his son Unto us He has been born even unto us. © 1999 Deeper Living Space


(it was in two-colum format on Microsoft Word... I guess it messed up.. Pardon me!)