how great...

The summer is over in about a week. My, how things have drastically changed this summer. I walked into work this summer with an attitude, "I care about reaching the nations... it's just not for me". The Lord laid on my heart this summer that following him... meant to do what he did, and to go where he went. He laid the country of Bhutan on my heart.
Bhutan is a country located between India and China. It is mainly Buddhist, and a shockingly .2% Evangelical Christian. In order to go into the country, which you can only go for two weeks at a time (not as a 'missionary' only a traveler), you must have an approved Visa, and even with that, you must be escorted by a government agent so that your culture does not disturb theirs. That being said, you can't share Christ there... they don't know... they haven't heard. The only way a Bhutanese person could hear about the Lord is if one of them left to go into India, heard about Christ with someone there, and then came back and told others. Which is unlikely considering that India is <2% Evangelical Christian. I have been despereately praying that the Lord would give a vision of Himself to the people of Bhutan. Proclaiming his glory even in one of the darkest places on the earth.
I also decided this summer... to give up my desire to date someone who is no good to me. I was scared to leave camp.. and come back to the real world... the reason being that I would again be pulled into his gravity. I prayed that the Lord would keep me from temptation. Later that week... he and I got in a huge fight. One that recently has resulted in the end of a friendship. This does hurt me... very badly, but I know that this is just an answer to a much needed prayer. This boy was exactly what was keeping me from my potential in Christ.
I want to go back to school and tell others about Christ. I know, its crazy... because its a christian school. All I know is that a gathering of Christians might mean that we are too trendy to be Christ. I'm tired of a "trend" taking the place for Christ. I'm also tired of mindless apathy that I see everywhere I turn. I'm praying for my campus, just as hard as I should be praying for a secular Campus.

The Lord has done great things in my life this summer. He has shown me who he is - and shown me that His mercies really are new every morning.

-HH

Sometimes the hardest thing and right thing are the same.

If God's will was the fence, I was walking right next to it.

It hit me today: If we are walking in God's will - we don't need to search, look, or try to be "found" or "complete" in someone. My good friend Kevin was giving me some relationship advice.. and it really sunk in. If I am seeking passionately after the heart of God, and my future husband (wherever he may or may not be) is passionatley seeking the heart of God... there will be no question.
For the past four years, I have been "on and off" dating with a boy. Four years ago, he was the MAN of my DREAMS! Our families thought the same... to add on top of it. Since then, I've planned my life around him. And i know... all you out there are throwing up your flags for me. I gotcha.. it just took me longer to learn. Anyways, in January, words were exchanged between us. I considered leaving OBU to move home and be with him. I decided that wasn't smart; we would just spend summer together this summer. Please realize that this is taking me out of any ministry opportunity that could cross my path. I decided not to go back to falls creek, because I wanted to be with him.
It hit me.
I was giving up who I was... and who Christ has called me to be, and what Christ has called me to do... for this........ boy.
I am ashamed of myself daily. I can't believe I let my emotions get that far ahead of my mindset with Christ in it.

I called everything in the world off with him. which is honestly one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. To not have him in my life is so different and mysterious to me. I don't know how to act around guys any more. I don't know even where to start... because I have always had this mindset that I didn't need to worry about it, I had him.

God's will is sometimes the suckiest thing in the world (well, at the current time). I must say that sometimes, I don't trust God enough to give him the things that I care most about. Boy, have I learned my lesson. Letting go of my will.... and leaving my hands open for His.

i found God where the west was all but one...

Heads up: the new "The Fray" album is great. It's self titled, and I recommend it to everyone, no joke. My favorite song is their single, "You found me". It's lovely.

My first day of class was yesterday - It's so great to be back in a routine again. I know for awhile, I have just complained about school. Not necessarily my education.. because I absolutley love it. I just feel really left out of the "in crowd". I came to a realization today while sitting in a boring class... The Lord brings me to the wilderness here. He puts me in a situation he constantly reminds me of his love for me. He puts me here so I can draw closer to him. I may not be in with the "in crowd" or even have many friends in general... but thats just not what this life is about, to be honest. I need the wilderness... Despite how sometimes it is so very ugly, depressing, and lonely. It's what I need.

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, lately. I don't prefer to go into much detail, but I would like to say that sometimes, I throw out the phrase, "I deserve so much better"... but deep in my heart, I don't even believe that. Love is a funny thing, you know. Somedays I pray everyone is right, and some i hope and fight for everyone in the world to be completley wrong. Yes, sorry this is extremely vague.

hammers and strings...

"14Do everything without complaining or arguing, 15so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe" --Philippians 2:14-15

I've observed lately in myself and others.. we complain about everything, and we forget we are so unbelievably blessed. This is something I am working at : stopping complaining.

There are times when I find myself arguing with myself about doctrine. What's right, whats wrong.. and I have decided.. I'm done with doctrine! I just want to follow Jesus' footsteps. I don't need to make following him any more diffult than it is.

I found a body of believers that I enjoy here in the city. Of course, the Sunday I find it is my last one here. Blah. It's difficult sometimes. I plan on getting involved back in shawnee at this church called "Heritage". Although alot of people from OBU go there... I will try to like it. I want to get involved in the youth group and such... because there is nothing like being in ministry again.

This is just a little update, I guess. It's icy here.

Making History.

I woke up sick today, and my body told me at 6:15 am it was time to start my day. Although I objected, my eyes would not re-close. So, I turned on the TV - and I saw the Today show.. and I thought, "YES! I never get to watch this"... so I turned it on. Apparantly, it's inauguration day for the 44th President of the United States. I have been shocked all day [and yes, ALL day describes that I have been watching this from 7-7, plusthe parties going on right now]. By shocked, I mean, I have never seen a president so idolatrized. I have never seen over 1,000,000 people on National Television put hope in a president. Someone JUST like them.

I don't think having the first African - American president means that for the first time Martin Luther King Jr.'s dream is coming true. 'I have a dream that one day my children will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character'. His dream included equality for ALL people. As far as I am concerned... that has happened. Every race in America has equality. And though an individual may treat another indiviual differently doesn't mean that either of them has less or more rights or privelages. If you don't want the title... don't act the title.

I am reminded today of od's love for us - he didn't make me to love this country (PRAISE GOD!).
...I am the LORD your God, who has set you apart from the nations. - Leviticus 20:24

In Matthew 16, Jesus tells us to be aware of the Sadducees and Pharisees. These were two large political groups. Sound familiar?

Lastly... my allegiance goes to a King in a kingdom, because we'll never have a savior on Capitol Hill - Derek Webb.

you could look inside to see what's on my mind...

God is so very, very good.

I see freedom.
I see us - the Body of the GREAT I Am - circled around a fountain.
This fountain of changing colors.
It's dancing for us, don't you see?
Just as this water just is,
so is I AM.
We are circled with many instruments.
Including books we took from the library.
A coffee cup instead of throwing it away.
We sing.
We are free.
Our soul longs after The Water.
It's our hearts desire.
We find freedom in our Father for the first time.



and He is in fact glorified.

church hoppin'.

As many of you know, I'm trying to find a new-home-church. This has been a very hard task for me; for its the first time I've looked for a new church outside the only one I have ever known. This morning, my friend Matt and I decided to try out Northview Community Church. We parked in the parking lot, next to the big sign that said ,"11:00 Morning Experience". We noticed a few people coming out.. but we still walked in. We saw a whole bunch of people standing in church social circles... and we opened the door to the sanctuary - it was completley black.. no sign of life in the room at all.

It was only 10:50, so we decided to rush to the church we have visited for the past 3 weeks.. and we got in the car, and shockingly got there in 5 minutes (he was driving...). We walked in, a man opened the door for us.. but it was pretty quiet. I figured they started a bit early. And as we walked into the sanctuary, the speaker said, "...and in conclusion..". We sat down for about 10 minutes, and it turns out church had started at 10:00 instead of 11:00 this week. So, I guess Pastors across the state took the day off. It would have been helpful if the man who opened the door for us told us they were almost done.

Christmas was pretty good. I got an iphone! :) Well. I'm off to conquer the world.

See ya!