I've started a new book...

Last year, I went through a study with my friends called "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. It was an amazing study that really taught me more about myself. Recently, I just began a new book also by Francis Chan, called "Forgotten God". It focuses mainly on the Holy Spirit, which is what the book is about. Here are a few excerpts:

"If we read and believed these accounts, we would expect a great deal of the Holy Spirit. He would not be a mostly forgotten member of the Godhead whom we occasionally give a nod of recognition to which is what He has become in most American churches. We would expect our new life with the Holy Spirit to look radically different from our old life without Him."

"I'm just not convinced we've internalized this truth and enjoyed His blessings as He intends. it seems like this is mostly head knowledge to us, and that we have not owned it. It has not really made much of a difference in our lives, to the degree that if we woke up tomorrow and discovered that it is not true the Holy Spirit lives inside of us, most likely our lives wouldn't look much different. "

There's another story, I will save for another time. I just really enjoy this book so far. If you get a chance, go read it! I think It is so true today - We've forgotten about someone that Jesus left us on earth with. In Johns gospel,Jesus gave the disciples a reassurance that another Comforter would come... "another Counselor to be with them forever (14:16). We've forgotten about the Holy Spirit. I'm currently taking a class right now, and we are reading through Acts... and the disciples of that time waited in anticipation for the Holy Spirit... we've lost something along the way.


Anyways, I got offered a really great job tonight, and I'm stoked about it. I will be in Shawnee this Summer - which sounds boring, but my three best friends will be here too, so it can't be too bad. My friend Heather (also name twin) and I went to eat mexican food tonight in Norman. We tried to go to Teds... but there was an HOUR AND A HALF wait... it wasn't worth it. Then we went to get some boba tea (mine tasted just like MTR that I had while in Asia). And then - the most unexpected thing of all: I got to see my two very very good friends Becca and Casey. I worked with them this past summer, and we all have a heart for the same country. They are such good friends of mine; I can't imagine life without them. I haven't seen them in about 6 months either, so it was definatley a surprise! Here are some pictures! ENJOY!

Breaking up is hard to do...

It occurred to me last night that What God talks about in his word is so relevant to us today. He calls us, as his Church, His bride. What a beautiful picture.

Recently (for those of you who do not keep up with my blog) I recently ended an unhealthy 6 year relationship. I was [and still could say I am] in love with this boy. He's perfect to me, and I'm so happy around him anytime I get the chance. But, something just wasn't right. I know for a fact that I am called to serve in ministry, and missions. His heart just wasn't in the same place mine is in. We both were too scared to commit, I think.

The funny thing is - is that's what we do to God. We could marry him, he IS perfect for us - we just don't want to commit. I know how God feels now, to have is heart attached to me while I run to other things that really don't concern him at all.


Father, help me be closer to you. Help me live as a member of your bride. Amen

Well, I did it.

It is over. I can't believe I did it. I flat out told him he wasn't the man I want to spend the rest of my life with (which is a bummer. really), and it would be best if we didn't see each other for awhile.

How Liberating.

I don't know how he's taking it. I think it scares him - that the girl thats been his crutch for 6 years now is tired of being there. I'm scared too, little does he know. But I'm ready to move on.... maybe. He's been my crutch for 6 years now, too.

Praise the Lord. Thank you Lord for revealing to me that you have better plans for me than I do. Thank you for loving me more than any man could.

Another thing I did: bake a cake from scratch. This is a first for me. I'm baking it for a few friends birthdays... a joint birthday party! I'm making icing from scratch, too. I hope they turn out good.

You're beautiful...

Boy, is life hard or what?

I really have been discouraged lately. It seems as if my friends don't really want to be my friends. They would rather spend time with each other apart from me... and I just don't understand. I knew leaving over January would cause others to be closer to each other. And that just worries me now, because I'm stuck where I used to be with people, and they have already progressed.

I don't mean to have a pity party.. I just am so frustrated with it. I'm ready to feel welcomed again. The enemy will do anything to steal, kill, and destroy. Even if it is good for one set of people. Isn't it crazy how God works like that? And the enemy uses his power to take the goodness of Gods plan, and make it deceiving and hurtful to someone else.

I am thankful I have friends, today. Because I remember just a few years ago that I desperately prayed that I would meet some girls who encourage me. They do.

On the bright side, today I am celebrating about a month and a half of not talking to Mr. Fickle. I have to admit; it has never felt this good. My dad brought him up the other day, and I said, "You know, I don't know, and I don't care. Actually, I do. I care that he is unhappy the rest of his life". Now, before you go all 'love your neighbor, love your enemy' on me, know that I do care about his life. I am just glad he isn't in mine.... anymore.



Lord, thank you for continuing to love me. Thank you for an answered prayer request. Thank you for your blessings in my life. Please help me - please don't let the enemy discourage me. Amen.

Hey, America!

I'm in a bit of culture shock. I've been home for exactly one week today, and all I want right now is some tomato-egg and rice! Oh, and hot tea of course. Going to the North Chinese restaurant down the street (and across the world) would be nice for joutsa.

Father really taught me alot. He showed me that he loves each one of us - and not just believers. He loves ALL of us. He loves those who worship a false god, he loves those who burn incense to their ancestors. He loves those who live life in fear with superstitions. He loves those who deny him as creator. He loves those who proclaim who he is. All of us, he loves equally. Only a King would do anything for his kingdom...

I feel like i've really matured since being home. In my faith that is (because we all know I'm just a little girl at heart ;]) I can't really explain it... but I have a change and newness about it. Father is doing some good things in my heart that I am finally giving him permission to. It's good.

It's snowy here! They called a snowday when it was 55 degrees outside... and now I'm stuck in my apartment in -20 degree weather. AWESOME. I need some more to do... and I need to clean my room. So I guess it's good I'm cooped up.

Ramblings of a confused heart.

I get into this predicament at LEAST twice, maybe 3 times a semester.

Well It happened again. It usually happens about in the same time as a plateau in my spiritual walk (coincidence?).

Of course, its a boy.

And of COURSE, it's the same boy.

I really can't take this anymore.

My parents think we are getting married.

His parents think we are getting married.

His siblings think we are getting married.

WE think we are getting married.

but we also realize how terribly wrong we are for each other.

Well, maybe on my end. I feel I would actually be a pretty good fit for him. But him for me? HECK NO. Well. Yes, except for one huge huge concept:

He doesn't love Jesus like a man should.

Which is my biggest problem with him. actually, my only problem with him.

He also says he doesn't have the desire, longing, or devotion like I have to my King.

Well, dangit. I mean, at least if he had the desire, I could compromise, right? I mean really... it sucks feeling like you are throwing the love of your life out of the window. Someone (personality wise) that you could see yourself with for the rest of your life. All because of one thing.

But its the biggest thing.

And in my sinful, human mind... this doesn't all seem to add up.

Oh Lord, Guard my heart. Love me more and more intimate than any man ever will. I pray for his heart God. Not because I want to date him, but because I want him to long for you. I want him to experience and love you more than he ever has. Lord, you are good.

All I'm asking, is that you won't be like the rest.

Please, don't grab my heart and string it 3,000 miles away.

Please, if you aren't interested, stop acting as such.

You are amazing. Please don't prove me wrong.