selfish.

Thankfully, there is only one week after this week left of Summer Staff. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not counting down the days... but, I am very ready to hit the road and go home for a little while.

As i've alluded to in past blogs, the past two summers, I've been productive. I was telling people about being a disciple for the Kingdom of God. I've been telling people what it looks like to be a follower of Christ. I've been telling people WHY they should go and tell the nations about the Lord. Most importantly, I saw lives changed for the sake of Christ.

This summer? Well. I sit at a desk and have stinky boys come up and ask me to let them into their locked room for the small price of $1.

I wish that I would have been more productive with my time in the real world. I could have been out doing all of those things, but instead, I sat at a desk, and listened to 8th grade girls share their secrets over a boy that was in their small group.

Lives could have been saved. Others could have heard about God's heart for the nations. Hearts could have been turned back. A hungry person could have been fed.

I guess if I could re-do this summer (hopefully I don't have to...) , I would do it differently. I would live a life worthy to Him who sent me - here, to Bison Hill for the summer. I blew my first opportunity at being a big girl. I hope I won't blow the next.

This has just been on my mind lately, take it as you will.

don't be skeered

[only real creek-ians will get/understand my title of this blog...]

I'm not going to start this post out with a lie [I never do, but I feel like this is a strong statement, and it's gaining your attention, am I right??]

This summer absolutely scares me. I've spent the last two summers at falls creek... the greatest place to spend your summer, the greatest camp, and the LARGEST christian youth camp in the world. Working at the FC keeps me busy: I get up and attend my first meeting at 7:45 AM... I get one lunch and one dinner break, and then I head up to my cabin at about 11:00 PM every night. So, very literally, working for about 15 hours a day. It's a tough, and sometimes rough job.

I had early anticipation of returning to 'the creek' this summer. I applied the day applications went online - November 1. I applied, went to a dinner for returning staff members, and then... well, I guess God clearly didn't want me there.

I was offered a job to be an ARD next year, and because I accepted that, I was asked to stay the summer to prepare for the next year. So, I'm living in Shawnee of all places for the summer.

I worry that I won't have much to do this summer, and I'll spend it being absolutely lazy [the exact opposite of what I've done the past two summers..]. I know for a fact though that God called me and chose me for the ARD job. Maybe this is just another step of the 'wilderness'. Maybe this is a summer dedicated on me just focusing on who my savior and my redeemer is. I'm really not sure why - but by the end of the summer, I hope to have enjoyed my 3 months of summer in Shawnee.

A verse that I've really been reflecting on for this summer [when i'm not bitter...] is:

Be still and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in all the earth.

-Psalm 46:10

Despite my thoughts and feelings about my summer, He's called me here. Maybe for a new ministry, maybe to work on my spiritual life and growing with him. He will still be exalted in Shawnee, at Falls Creek, in China... and in the rest of the world... and that's what its all about! May God be exalted by these summer plans.. and may His plans become mine..