Nothing intelligent.

The other day, I realized something about myself. Somewhere in the past semester (Spring '10), I really stopped relying on Christ. That changes your life, you know? Thinking you can do it on your own. I've been taking my own burdens - the burdens of others, even. Not working it out, and bottling this in has caused me to lose trust in the King.

I realized how dumb I was being towards people - as a Child of God - I was hateful. I was annoyed. I was short. I wasn't listening.

All this to say, sorry that I lost sight of our Savior and King. I'm sorry for not leading how I should.

Forgive me, understand that I'm in a different place right now - you may have had a spiritual high this summer - but I didn't. Please, understand that I am crying out to God asking Him to move the clouds.

Skewl is bak

Well. Here we are. This time tomorrow, I'll be back at school - in small town, America. I can almost smell the putrid funk coming from the mill now.

This year makes me really apprehensive. It's my last year of school, as long as things go as planned. I want my senior year to be fun, exciting, memorable... and spirit filled.

This summer has been a spiritual drought for me. I am currently is desperate need for a downpour of the Holy Spirit. I feel like right now, I'm walking on dry land. I want water to be so high I have to swim. I want to get out of this depression/drought season with the Lord. I've learned through my church, that following Christ isn't hard. I need to put hardships behind me, and run towards the cross, full speed, without looking back.

I'm going to have one of the biggest opportunities of my life this year - discipleing 8 girls. My job 'requires' me to spend one-on-one time with these girls... which makes me so excited. I want to live life with them as we seek our savior together.

I have less than a year to find a big-girl-job. Yiiiikes. This scares me. Do I move overseas? Do I find a job here in OKC? I feel like I have so many options ahead of me.

So, I guess I'm asking... Will you pray for me as I start school?

1. Pray for my spiritual life. Pray that I don't allow the enemy to keep me down.
2. Pray for my senior year - that is it FUN, and EXCITING!
3. Pray for the girls I'll be spending one on one time with - pray that they have a passion and desire to seek Father together. Pray that this will start a never-ending cycle of d-ship and revival at OBU.
4. Pray for my future - that this year, Father will show me exactly what his Will is for my life.

Alright men, I'm being serious.

So, last post, I said my attempt was not to bash the men. This post. I'm being so for real: STEP up your game.

So, tonight I was having dinner with one of my best friends who I don't get to see often because of the distance/work schedules between us. We were chatting away about life, and her phone goes off. She looks down.. and looks at me and says with a straight face, "Somethings wrong"... And I couldn't understand. She and her boy had just broken up a few days ago.

We drove with silence on the way home. We sat in my living room. And she cried. She didn't talk. And she finally burst into hysterical tears: "Heather, I just don't know what to do. I'm scared". We went to my room to talk, where after a long series, she told me her boyfriend holds her down to yell at her, when she does something wrong, he hits her... and leaves bruises.

Men, It's time to stand up. Fathers, teach your sons how to be men. Christians, leave your circle of christian friends... and go mentor and disciple men who are not getting it.

This is NOT under any circumstances okay.

Rescued.

[This was not intended to be a man-bashing post...]

Something thats bothering lately is how men ... and men who call themselves Christians, especially, don't treat women with respect. I was with a friend the other day, who kept making sexual innuendo jokes, thats what she said jokes, made a cookie of a male anatomy... called a prostitute ugly.... and the list goes on...

There are 27,000 people in slavery today... INSIDE THE UNITED STATES. Why does this happen? Well, because sex is treated lightly. Women aren't treated with respect. We think that saying 'thats what she said' will only make something funnier, when, in reality, isn't making things any better.

It really frustrates me, as a single woman, men who are abusing women are without even taking a second thought of what they say. Sex, is a sacred thing, that in our 21st century is being abused and misused. It's used to get pleasure every 'once in a while', and to feel good for the time being, but that is not how it was created. We SHOULD NOT be making jokes about it. Really, we shouldn't.

So, men. This is my plea, my cry, and my challenge. Stand up. Stop being cowardly, stop making obscene jokes. Stop making light of things that really aren't that funny, or light. Stand up, be a godly man pursuing after the heart of your King.

and we wouldn't be in this problem of slavery today.

the real root of the problem...

This past week, I had a staff meeting with the lovely people I work with/for. I got so excited after it... We work for Residential Life, so we were talking about how orientation was going to go.

We talked about how our residents (and ours, definitely) issues are not just issues. Two room mates that don't get along - well, the issue is NOT the fact they won't compromise.... the real issue comes from the heart. The reason they aren't compromising? -> They're selfish. ->The reason they are selfish? -> they're sinners.

My low self esteem does not come from lies i've been told my whole life - it bothers me because I am a sinner.

I'm getting excited for school to start back in the fall - but it is such a busy, uphill journey to get there. I'm working for YEC for two weeks - and I am really excited about that. After that ends on Saturday, I go to Dallas on Monday, and move back to school Wednesday. Yikes! It's going to be so crazy busy, but I'm ready for it.

I've gotten the question, "What are you going to do after you graduate" more than 30 times in the past couple weeks... and I think I may have told everyone a different option of mine. I've also been telling them that my only goal in life is to get married, have babies, and be a housewife and only leave for church. Buuuuut, those of you that know me fairly well know that is just a joke, and I would never do that to myself.

So, please be remembering me in your prayers for a job. I am really hoping that I will not have to take more schooling by default because of the economy. I just want a job/to move out of the country. So. Please be remembering me.

selfish.

Thankfully, there is only one week after this week left of Summer Staff. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not counting down the days... but, I am very ready to hit the road and go home for a little while.

As i've alluded to in past blogs, the past two summers, I've been productive. I was telling people about being a disciple for the Kingdom of God. I've been telling people what it looks like to be a follower of Christ. I've been telling people WHY they should go and tell the nations about the Lord. Most importantly, I saw lives changed for the sake of Christ.

This summer? Well. I sit at a desk and have stinky boys come up and ask me to let them into their locked room for the small price of $1.

I wish that I would have been more productive with my time in the real world. I could have been out doing all of those things, but instead, I sat at a desk, and listened to 8th grade girls share their secrets over a boy that was in their small group.

Lives could have been saved. Others could have heard about God's heart for the nations. Hearts could have been turned back. A hungry person could have been fed.

I guess if I could re-do this summer (hopefully I don't have to...) , I would do it differently. I would live a life worthy to Him who sent me - here, to Bison Hill for the summer. I blew my first opportunity at being a big girl. I hope I won't blow the next.

This has just been on my mind lately, take it as you will.

freedom.

I saw a facebook post that bothered me. [yes, a facebook post]

"WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...Please remember only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you. Jesus Christ and the American Soldier. One died for your soul and the other for your freedom....GOD BLESS AMERICA and GOD BLESS OUR TROOPS!!"

Why did that make me frustrated? Well, I guess when it comes down to it... I'm not a huge fan of ... well... maybe I'm not a fan of the misconception of what America is - why people think we're here, and why people think we are some great nation. to sum it up, I guess you could say that I'm just not patriotic.

This quote from a friends mom.. it bothered me because :

1. Often we make an idol out of "people dying for our freedom". Now, before you yell at me about how your great-grandpa died for my freedom during World War II, let me explain. My freedom does not come from our nation winning a series of battles in order that we can be free. Yes, we are free because we are not under another nation - but, I would be free even if another nation was in charge of America, because Christ made me free. Does this make sense? I hope so.

2. "One died for your soul, and another for your freedom" - well, oh my soul. If this is true, my theology is all messed up. If I can say with respect, Christ died for my freedom, and my soul.. and, well... the soldier fought for my physical body. Lets get this straight. Christ died for you, so that you could have freedom from sin!

3. Christ died for more than just us, America. There is a whole world out there. A LOST, a DYING world, who needs Christ.

Once again, I have respect for our country and our troops serving our country. But, we should be hesitant to what we say, and what we make idols of. Please don't be offended by this post. It is my opinion, you know?

Well, I guess now that you've found out that I'm very Liberal, I'll leave you with this quote:

"Legalism says that fruit produces freedom. The Gospel says that freedom produces fruit." - Josh Kouri, Lead Pastor at Frontline.