I'm afraid that I will never fully understand what God's love means. My father has never shown me his love. It was when I was 17 years old that he first told me that he loved me.. And I can't recall even the last time I heard it.... Much less showed it. He has always been preoccupied with other things: fishing, his job, smoking... Putting my mom and I both dead last in his life.
I'm afraid that I will never be able to understand my heavenly fathers love for me. I associate "father" with things that only make me upset- someone who has always let me down, who doesn't know how to love me, and someone who has anger issues. But... My heavenly father is not like that. My heavenly father loves me unconditionally. He knows where the hardest and softest parts of my heart are.. And he doesn't get angry when I have a misconception of who he is.
Lord, please help me associate who YOU are with good things. Show me what father truly means. Please help me see my earthly father as you see him.
