church hoppin'.

As many of you know, I'm trying to find a new-home-church. This has been a very hard task for me; for its the first time I've looked for a new church outside the only one I have ever known. This morning, my friend Matt and I decided to try out Northview Community Church. We parked in the parking lot, next to the big sign that said ,"11:00 Morning Experience". We noticed a few people coming out.. but we still walked in. We saw a whole bunch of people standing in church social circles... and we opened the door to the sanctuary - it was completley black.. no sign of life in the room at all.

It was only 10:50, so we decided to rush to the church we have visited for the past 3 weeks.. and we got in the car, and shockingly got there in 5 minutes (he was driving...). We walked in, a man opened the door for us.. but it was pretty quiet. I figured they started a bit early. And as we walked into the sanctuary, the speaker said, "...and in conclusion..". We sat down for about 10 minutes, and it turns out church had started at 10:00 instead of 11:00 this week. So, I guess Pastors across the state took the day off. It would have been helpful if the man who opened the door for us told us they were almost done.

Christmas was pretty good. I got an iphone! :) Well. I'm off to conquer the world.

See ya!

I realized there was something I've been meaning to blog about all week!

The other day, I went to the Optometrist for my yearly eye-appointment exam. I am never too thrilled about these, because it seems like when he is looking into my eye with that small microsope he holds in his hand.. he is WAY too close to my face. I have to hold myself from laughing (and for those of you who know me, thats not an easy task to do!).

As I walked in today, the secretary was helping an elderly lady try on a pair of glasses. I couldn't help myself when I overheard their conversation about the ladys age. She said, "You know, i'm 99!". I thought to myself... "This lady is 99 and NOT in a nursing home or a wheelchair?? REALLY?". She was such a joyful lady. After she had finished, She looked at her husband (or brother, or friend) and said, "I'm just so thankful I have my helper".

I wonder sometimes if YHWH sees us in that light. When we are near to him, when we NEED him, when we are desperate for his Hesed... if he just wants to hear us say, "I'm so thankful I have my helper".

The LORD is with me; he is my helper. I will look in triumph on my enemies
-Psalm 118:7

....and...EVEN unto us.

I recently have discovered my dwindling of friends here in Oklahoma City.

Oklahoma City just... isn't the 'happening place to be' now-a-days. When I was in Highschool... well.. it wasn't too cool then either... but at least I felt like I had friends! All my friends have recently moved away or changed lifestyles... which is practically like moving away. I've "caught up" with the few that live here.. and i don't want to sound dissatisfied, but I just miss all my other friends. It just kind of sucks feeling like at school it's just a glorified, higher-education - highschool.. and coming here and feeling like you don't belong. I guess its just the season bringing me down. Friends, I miss you.

I have begun "church hopping". I have never.. EVER in my life not had a church home - except when I was without a heavenly father. No place has seemed like "home" yet... no group of believers have made me feel welcome (actually, noone who are 'members of a church' have even come up and introduced themselves to me!). I miss Wednesday nights at the Wharf. A challenging message was always presented, and it seemed as if we worked together as the body of Christ (most of the time.. ). That's where most of my friends came from. Perhaps this is why I may be a little down.

On another note, It's almost Christmas.. and... this is the first Christmas I have ever witnessed that is actually somewhat cold, and makes me look festive. You never know what the weather here in Oklahoma will bring, but I do know that my closet has nothing for these 15 degree temperatures! I hope I get a new sweater for Christmas.

This Christmas, I want to share love with someone: a family, a cashier, or a person carrying tons of groceries to their car. I personally don't have the finances currently to allow me to go buy them a huge present (I barely bought my family anything). I do want to share with them that I deeply care about them. I would like to share with them the true meaning of Christmas. Speaking of Which, at Bridgeway a couple Sundays ago, Joel shared this poem.. which warmed my heart and made me want to share the gospel with everyone I knew. Love you all!
Merry Christmas!

Unto us a child is born
unto all of usunto the widow unto the homeless the addict the AIDS patient
unto us the football captain
and the drag queen
unto us the politicianthe factory blue collar us the single mother the crack baby and unto us the affluent suburbanite unto us the goth the hippie the rocker the alternative and undergroundunto us in Hollywood and on Madison Avenue and unto all of us in between unto us in the gutters of Calcuttaunto the Muslim and the Jew the Buddhist the Krishna and the Hindu unto us the fatherless unto the heavenly fatherless For unto us a child is born a son is givenand a secret revolution begun. This is what the prophets had been preparing for.They said his name would be, “Most Beautiful Wisdom”“the Highest of Heaven’s Secrets” his name would be “the God who continually bends over backwards for you” “the God who gets down on his hands and knees” “the God who would become silly and mis-understood”“the God who would be mocked- - the God whose namewould be taken in vain.” He would be called “the God of underdogs”“the God of the powerless and unspiritual”“the God of those who cannot pray or fast” And there would be no end to him and hisunderdog weaklings or their secretthere would be no end evenwhile the nations continue to rage on even as ethnos rises against ethnos even as valleys are filled with dead bones and rivers run with blood even as violence runs through our streets and schools and hearts covering us like a thick fog Even in this dark land of weak people the God who bends over backwards will shine forth like a great light as the dawning of a new day letting his secret spread forth with healing and joy.Drop the mirror and let it shatterCrush the hourglass and stop the clocks ticking stand still hold your breath anticipate—imagine your wildest dreams. Sell everything and buy the farm Come with me, cover your eyes and hold out your hands stop your weepingstop your groans the fast is over. Let the celebration begin the father has come He has sent his son Unto us He has been born even unto us. © 1999 Deeper Living Space


(it was in two-colum format on Microsoft Word... I guess it messed up.. Pardon me!)

Dear Websters Dictionary,

I must disagree with you. I looked up the word 'church' in your dictionary today, and was shocked to find seventeen definitions for the word. Are you kidding me, Websters? Not only did I believe that possibly there would be two; maybe three definitions, and not one of them would be right.

Can I please tell you what "church" means? Well, you don't have an option. Church - a group of people who identify themselves as a body of Christ and act as such.

Brothers and Sisters... WE are the church. I don't know why we have gotten church mixed up with a building (definition 2). The building we go to? I do not see it as a church. It is a BUILDING for crying out loud. If you were to tell me that building is the church, that makes me a 2 x 4 and i personally don't think Christ designed me that way.

On Sunday morning, I went to worship with fellow believers in Tulsa, OK. At lunch, Deanna, E-Pot, and myself stopped at Ted's before coming back to Shawnee. We ran into people that we worshiped YHWH with that morning. They said to us, "Well, since we are all family, why don't we take our two tables and put them together?"...

Friends, THIS is what fellowship means. Not your stupid wednesday night dinners that I personally am not going to pay for when you won't even sit with anyone other than your "sunday school class".

Peace,
Heather

Deeper, Deeper, Deeper in love with you...

I don't know what has overcome me. I do know, that I have no idea who this master I serve is.
All my life, this has all been an act, a show. Up until this summer. This summer, I became REAL with myself, with the people I was around... and even the thousands of students I came in contact with. Now, I'm back at school, and the Fall Semester is coming to a close. People are looking at an act.
I began at the age of 13 - reading my bible, and recording my quiet times to go on a mission trip. Are you kidding me? This started my pride. I boasted in the fact that I had a quiet time every day. My mom, every morning would tell me she was so proud of me for my walk with God.

what walk with God?

I want my roots to grow deeper, not wider.
I want to do things to further the kingdom of my father.
not to further my pride.

Father, move in my life, and move like you never have before.

Lately I've been thinking...

My heart hurts, and it aches for this apathy that has seem to over come me. It is apathy, but at the same time, some of the biggest passion i've ever had. I feel almost too far away to help. This... poverty, homeless, broken, abused people... I can't get them out of my head.

Jesus was not religious. I don't know when we began to think that going to church, donating money to charity were all ways of giving the gospel to someone.. but i've discovered that what these people want the MOST out of anything... is for someone to love them... without exactly finances. They want attention, they want love, and they want to know the answers to life.

I've been recently challeged to get out of my "Church" bubble, and really go and do what Jesus did - get DIRTY, and go love the unlovelies.

Join me.

Should I pray for Peace? or Should I pray for war?

Tonight, I went to Canterbury. I could not help but notice something while i was singing praises to my King. [I worship the lord the best when I can see the spirit of God moving within people. ]So, today I observed while I sung. It seemed to me that at the same time, on the "E" chord, eyes closed. when the chorus came - hands were raised. It was this way the whole night.

Why have we let worshiping our KING become such a routine that we know when we close our eyes, we know when to raise our hands, and surprisingly we know when to "sit down and pray". This has aggrivated me. We completley take advantage of a time with our Savior - an intimate time that not alot of people overseas even get to have.

All I'm saying - get out of your routine. Become completley broken - fall on your knees, your face if you have to.

Who in the world am I?

Really? Who in the world stole my heart?
What monster have I turned into?

The past... countless entries in my prayer journal are so hard for me to read. I am going through Psalms. Its so surprising to me, how what the Psalmist is describing.. is describing my life to a "T". In Psalm 116, the Psalmist says, "I love the Lord because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live. the snares of death encompassed me; the pangs of Sheol laid hold on me; I suffered distress and anguish. Then I called on the name of the Lord: 'O Lord, I pray, deliver my soul!' ".

Deliver my soul, O God. I am crying out in desperation. Change me, again, Lord. Mold me to what you want me to look like. Show me your brilliant masterpiece; I am Yours! I am created to shout glory to You; to make your name famous!

Lord, It's hard living this life alone. I know you've been by me this whole time.. But God I don't feel your presence. Show me your presence, your love, your grace... God... please find me.
comfort me. Please show me an unsurpassing peace. Show me your glory, your presence.
I love you, Lord.

Just when things were getting better.

Just when things were getting better, of course, the world has to crash.

Have you ever had THAT friend? I mean, the one that you prayed for since you were six years old?
I met that friend. And, to me... she was my best friend in the world. I would not have traded her for anything.
but, of course. Every good thing has an ending. She dropped out of school, and I guess when she did that, she decided to drop out of my life, too. ...
When you have a friend, who was at one point, a very good friend, drop out of your life, won't answer your calls, won't call you, won't speak to you.. It hurts. I feel like a part of me is lost. Tonight, I have said things... that honestly I do not regret. i put so much time, effort, and care into that friendship that is completley wasted now.

I feel like I keep setting myself up for failure. And, somehow I keep doing it. I know the Lord will take care of me. I just feel so very alone right now. I feel like I will live in this depression for a long time. I need out of this Pit. I need YHWH to come rescue me. I need you, precious Jesus. I'm lonely. I need you more than I ever have before. Please.

patience, patience, patience

Sometimes I feel as if my life is falling apart.

I just feel so much depression right now. And, I haven't felt that in a long time.
I don't know what it is. I'm really trying to be happy, put on a happy face around people...
but i'm not.

I'm just lonely - and... I'm not talking about relationship terms here. I am just flat out lonely. In friendships. I feel so very two faced... because I can't be real with my friends, and I would rather not burden them with my very simple problems.

I'm learning that my best friends are the friends I have left behind. The ones Jesus told me were not good for me. .... Really? I guess the Lord is trying to teach me I have got to start relying on Him ;... I just thought I had that all figured out. But, I guess thats where I failed.

I went home this weekend.

It was exactly what I needed. Away from OBU, really helped me sort through my emotions/feelings. I have discovered, though, I have become so depressed this year. I don't know if it's stress, lost friendships, or just a change of scenery. I have found that I am completley unhappy with anything except for my gracious heavenly Father. I haven't hit rock-bottom like this in a very, very long time. I can assure you of that. I've forgotten what it feels like to plead the Lord.

I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. This is very frustrating to me. I thought elementary ed. But, praying about it.. I don't have a surpassing peace that I should do that for the rest of my life. What I want to study, Bible or Biblical Languages, is so very interesting to me. Historically seeing where the bible is coming from is so wonderful to me. But, lets remember that I am a woman, and women are discouraged from being in the ministry. I don't know where the world got the idea that women can only be missionaries or pastors wives, but I strive to teach truth to girls and women. This is where my heart is. Do I get a business degree so I can actually have a job when I graduate? I've also thought about Pre-Dentistry. I've always loved teeth, and I really enjoy smiling, and I wish everyone would smile. I think it's a great way to share Christ's love.
If I did Pre-Dentistry, I would have to leave OBU after I finished that part of the degree, and move on to OU Medical Center Dentistry School to become a dental hygenist.

Also, if I still don't know what I want to even major in by the end of J-Term next year... do I drop out of school, so I'm not wasting my time and money dabbling in areas that I first like and once I study I don't?

Let me tell ya. Growing up is hard. I have never even wished upon myself I would say this again, but I wish I were back in highschool... Lame, I know.

CRISIS.

I do believe that Jesus Christ is coming back very very soon.
And honestly, sooner than I thought.

And basically, all I have to say... is we can't wait for our "Education to be Done" before we start sharing the gospel with our neighbors, our cashiers, our friends, and sadly to say our family. It's time to step up to the plate. Really. And I'll begin. Right now.

This live is not about us. Nor has it ever been. This life is about bringing glory to Christ. Bringing glory to his name, making him famous. I may not be able to go overseas right now.. but my mission field is here.

I enjoy posting. Is that weird?

I'm in the middle of a study break. I have so much on my mind. Seriously.
I have the lowest self esteem out of anyone I know. Or, anyone I have ever thought of.

Lately, I just haven't really relied on God. I mean... relied on God. I haven't put my whole weight. My every trust in Him. I think thats why I've been having such a lousy week. I can't trust my creator... If I can't trust my creator... who IS there to trust?
I read in the bible this week Psalm 56:8... that God keeps all of our tossings and tears in a bottle.

My God... keeps all of my tears.. next to Him. In a bottle.

Why, I'm sure the psalmist was using figurative language here, I want to believe that I have a bottle next to my Adonai. One with my name on it. My new name. From when I became a believer.

This is all. It was a rambling of a sort, but, I just felt like I needed someone to talk to.

Goodnight.

So, lets just be real. As if we aren't already.

I know what this is. I know that I'm getting my hopes up... trying my hardest not to even look in your direction. Somewhere, along the way, you will look in mine. You will see the same girl you have seen since you met her. I act the same way I have always acted around you - which is definatley a plus for me. You will see me, and you won't ever know the way I feel about you. How bad I desperately want to tell you. But one, I will not... and I refuse to make the first move. You have become something to me I honestly didn't expect, and didn't wish upon myself. But Now, I don't want you to leave. I don't want you to choose a different girl. I want you to choose me. I want you to fall in love with me.

This, I almost know a fact will never happen. Which, deep down... wait, not even deep down... it just hurts. I have not had feelings for someone like this in a very long time. And, I'm actually surprised that I am interested in someone. It has taken me so very long to get over heartache - and you have shown me something spectacular.

This friendship, has been something beautiful. I'm so very glad to call you a friend, and i'm even prideful to call you my best friend. You make me laugh like noone else could, and the very thought of you puts a smile on my face. My mom even said, "Heather, i don't even know him, but I love the smile and the laugh you have when you talk about him. I like the way he makes you smile". I haven't smiled in a long time. I mean, I have. But not like the smile I have when I'm around you.

This is me. Getting my emotions out. Because there is absolutley no way that I could EVER tell anyone... especially my closest friends about this.

"Don't want you to leave"

We were passing by clouds
It was two in the morning
I was sitting in the passenger seat
and you looked at me and said
this is my most sacred spot
i knew you meant something to me...

We went into that place
you sang me that old song
the day you kissed me close
we laughed all day long
i remember when
the sun was shining on your face
it was that very day
i knew love had taken place

Oh, You mean somethin' to me
more than i thought you would
more than i need
and oh, please take your time,
i want this to be right
and i don't, no i don't
want you to leave

Disappointed.

So I get flustered sometimes.
When... a beautiful friendship goes down the drain.
I mean, really.. who wouldn't?

I don't feel one sided friendships, though, were actually friendships in the first place.
I put so much effort into it. It was my first REAL good friend since I got out of highschool. The first person I really connected with move in day of my freshman year in college.
Alot of effort. Alot of time. Alot of other friendships that did not seem beneficial. Down the drain.

Really, this is how I feel. I feel like I have been completely walked over. I feel like someone who I confided in so much... has just left me hanging.

And Don't get me wrong; I have some beautiful, wonderful, friends who love me, and put alot of effort into our friendship.

I guess, I'm just frustrated that something that I tried so hard on failed. Its kind of like putting all of your effort into a test; and bombing it.

"Still, you sent your Son to us... You are on our side." - Bethany Dillon

I don't think many read this, oh well.

Well. I think I found the answer to that question. The question that has been in my mind since the age of four. "What are you going to be when you grow up?". At the age of 8, I would have told you I wanted to be a dentist. At 10, a hair-dresser. 15 a doctor. 17 a cosmotologist. 18 a nurse.... and here I am, 19 years old.. after seeking God....

When I grow up, i'm going to be a teacher.

I am going to complete my undergrad here at OBU with a Degree in Elementary Education (possibly a minor in Children's Ministry, if it will fit)
After graduating, I'm going to get a job being a first or second grade teacher at an Elementary School.
Soon After graduating, I'm going to go to Seminary (I don't know where yet, I can decide that later) and possibly get a Masters of Divinity.
What will I do with that? First of all, Knowledge. I desire so very strongly to know the bible and my creator better - So i can tell more and more people about Him. Hopefully, after I go through seminary, I can be a Girls/Womens minister along side an Elementary Teacher.

Right now, this is just what God has told me to do. Who knows what the rest will hold.


:)

Class hasn't even started.

I was sitting in the book study for the new students "The Idea of a Christian College" with Dr. Kelly today. He was going over a few chapters... meanwhile, I'm sitting back, relaxing, (instead of taking notes like last year).. and he said something that was so profound... well, in my life.
I had changed plans for college. I planned to go to OBU, until my senior year. I decided, that I would go to Oklahoma State. I was talking to my youth pastor one day after church.. and he said, "So, why aren't you going to go to OBU anymore?" My answer was: "I don't want my religion spoon fed to me."
Today while watching the freshman scrummage for notes in Dr.Kellys class, I realized that I finally got to take in what He was saying in his book study. All Truth is Gods - understanding ALL types of truth (even secular truth) connects us with our creator; to ultimately see God in ALL truth.
I took my freshman year for granted. I went to class, studied, had a social life, and made the grades. But, I forgot that when I study ANYTHING, just not new or old testament.. I'm worshiping God. Academics are a part of worship and obedience to God. Because All Truth is Gods. Literature. Math. Science. Truth. It's all Gods.
This was worship today.My God,is true.Creation.. it is crying out to its creator.And ultimately, i'm worshiping.
"The person who knows only his or her bible knows not even that!" - Dr. Kelly

... He didn't throw the stones...

I should be sleeping. Oh well.
The Lord is so good. Through the whole summer, I prayed that God would lead me to a new church.. where I would be involved and not just another member. My home church is going through a big time right now. We don't have any staff, and all of our programs are beginning to dwindle down.
This summer, God told me that I needed to get in touch with people who have left church. They have graduated, and left. And Then he told me that I would reach so many people my age if we just opened up a ministry for them.
Then today, the guy who is stepping in as Youth Pastor at my church pulled me aside and said, "heather, how would you feel about starting a college ministry"..

God uses people. Ordinary people. For huge tasks. I am so thrilled.

Please be praying for this new ministry. Pray that we draw more people to seek Christ's face, and that God would be the Author of all of this.

Thanks, guys.

I have always loved to know whats going on. Knowing secrets. You know, girl stuff. I cannot even comprehend what God is doing right now. He's acting like I do to my dog - I wave these dog treats in the air... to watch her head turn every which way - she jumps up and tries to grab the treat and i move it above my head so she can't reach. All Lacey knows is that it will be rewarding - and it will be the best DARN treat she's ever had because she worked for it.

Thats what I feel like right now. Im sitting in Gods presence... and he is waving this amazing future above my head - i keep trying to jump up and grab it to see whats inside.. but he waves it over his head so I can't reach.

I don't know what God's plans for my life are. Boy, would I love to know right now. All I know, is that in everything I do, I say, and I think.. I must bring him glory.

This summer, I really opened my eyes to see the deaf community - how often they are ignored. They can't communicate with an ordinary person... they can only talk to those who can understand signlanguage. I have a heart for the deaf. I have this passion to learn sign language. To translate. To love the deaf.

But I don't know where God wants to take me with that passion. OBU doesn't offer Sign Language Interpretation. OSU OKC does.

This would all just be better if I knew Gods plans for me. I guess this is where I trust Him in return, huh?

Week 8...

For those who read this and didn't know... I am learning sign language. It's such a beautiful language... something that I have found to be extremely personal. Lately, during worship through song... I've been signing, and just gotten so much more out of what the Lord is saying to me. I love it.

Week 8. Boy, did I never think this week would come! My body, my thoughts, my spiritual life is so drained. Thinking about going home for about 2 or 3 weeks is so refreshing to me. But I almost feel not ready to go home. I'm afraid. Just like a camper would be. I'm afraid of making all of these promises to God throughout the summer... and forgetting about every single one of them back on campus. I desire to show Christ to OBU. And, all you OBU-ins reading this... we can all agree that the school lacks Jesus Christ because of the religious bubble we have gotten ourselves into. I desire to disciple someone. Maybe... hopefully, a couple someones.

Anyways. Pray for a spiritual revival. I'm so scared of going home and falling into religious routines.

Ice... POP.

Well, It was just a normal Thursday afternoon. Jeremy and I headed over to the Riverfront concessions area to grab some popsicles. We grabbed 2 boxes and put it in the ice chest. I looked at Jeremy, and said, “do you think that’s enough?” He said, “No, just grab a couple more…”… I bent over the edge of the freezer to grab some more… and as soon as I did, Jeremy and Steven from concessions picked me up by my feet, and threw me into the freezer.

Funny, huh? Well, it gets better.

I was hurt. Falling on boxes of popsicles is not comfortable. AND, I hit my top lip on the edge of a cup that was in the freezer.

And I have a fat lip.

HA!

The Lord has constantly been teaching me new and exciting things. It is so great to be here. I've never had this good of a spiritual walk with the Lord. It takes quite a bit of effort; but the results are such a blessing in my life!

Today, this girl came to the Hut to apply for OBU... and she was just a doll to be around. As I was complaining about how many cards we had, she simply said, "Praise God!"... Thats right praise God that we have so many cards. Praise God for everything. Ah. I love it.

"You are on our side"

Boy, am I a complainer. I’ve noticed this in my life lately (along with sarcasm, which I will save for a different day). I complained and complained, “I am having to do a cabin devotion every night…”, “No one else actually works…”, “I haven’t gotten a break to go get a cup of water in forever…”. Camp does this to you. I was … of course complaining to one of my good friends Michael, and he said, “yeah, but just think of how many students have accepted Christ this summer”. Ouch. I took my eyes off the goal: what I’m here for.

Since I’ve figured this out (thankfully I figured it out about week 5…5 weeks too late, but that’s okay!) My life has been so different. I have been treating people with so much more respect.

Last night. I was just thinking (and kind of praying/complaining) to the Lord, and… I said, “Lord, out off all of these students that have accepted you this summer, I haven’t gotten a chance to invest in any of them, or much less pray with any of them.

So, I go and do my devo at this cabin. I share my testimony, which is my favorite thing to share because it means so much to me… I back it up with scripture in Genesis 22, about having to sacrifice a lot. After I was done, I started walking down the hill (HUGE hill, by the way)… and I hear, “heather!! Wait!”… This girl is running up to me with tears streaming down her face…. She said, “Heather, Thank you so much for talking to us tonight. Your testimony touched my heart”. I assumed that she had so much more than that to say, so she and I sat down. She began pouring out her heart to me, telling me that like I had explained in my own testimony, she feels like she is fake fruit, and she has been faking being a Christian, and got saved for the wrong reasons…. And she looked and me and said, “I’m so scared though.” And I asked her, “Why?”, she replied… “Everyone will judge me! I don’t know how people will react. I’ve told my testimony before, I’ve been baptized before…” and I stopped her in the middle of her sentence.. “its all just stuff. The Lord wants you to obey Him, and that’s all he asks.”… and so she looked at me, began to cry… and said… “Heather, I want to be a Christian.”.

I got to pray with her.. and in a way witness a miracle. Praise God! How great is our God… really! Without my testimony the way that God planned that all out, Micah may not even be a Christian right now.

Praise God for who he is. Savior. Redeemer. Rock. Refuge. I am. Shepherd. Abba Father. My Lord.

Boy, oh Boy!

Well. Here's that little feeling again. Actually, its the same one that has continued for quite a few years. I'm ready. I'm ready. Can I say that again? I'm ready.

I know that the Lord is going to bring him in His timing.. but. I'm ready.

Even just to meet him. Just a simple conversation...
I'm just not going to settle any more. I was really about to, but finally the Lord convicted me about it! (Praise God!)

This was a rant. I know. I need to work on fililng my desire for this... with the Lord!

For I am God's masterpiece...
The King is entralled by my beauty..
all beautiful you are my darling!...
:)

I"m Ready.

Happy 2nd Birthday to me!!

What a Glorious day! I realized yesterday that the day before (July 1) was my 2nd spiritual birthday!! It was cool to be in the same... place.. that I was when I accepted Christ.

I have alot to say, but In-Cabin bible study is soon. peace.

So, I guess there comes a point when we all have to grow up.

I feel so discouraged right now.

I have such a passion for people to know Christ. For them to know Him deeper and deeper each and every day - and thats what I want to spend my life doing.

I am 19 years old. I have not a clue of what I want to do with my life. I'm about to be a sophomore in college, and if I don't decide now, I'm wasting a ton of money.

Do I stick with bible, and have nothing to do with it when I graduate?
Do I do Interdiciplinary, and have 3 minors for one major.. with Bible, Childrens Ministry/Applied Ministry, and Early Childhood Education?
Do I major in Elementary Education, have no electives and pay alot of money to get the same paycheck and education as a state school?
or do I transfer?

I hate feeling like I have to decide. I think it would be great to be an elementary teacher... but I can get that with any 4 year degree.

These are my constant thoughts. just thought i would let you know.

Joy of the Lord!

What an amazing thing. I have been in the worst mood lately. I wasn't getting enough sleep, I felt extremely left out.. but last night in James' message, I re-learned who the Lord was. The Creator of the universe. What a joy that... our Creation must have had a creator.. and that creator is still around because he is powerful. And if He truly holds that power- He desires to have an intimate relationship with me.

JOY.

Because God is our creator. He makes us beautiful. And... that He is.

So. Remember today that the joy of the Lord is your strength - thankfully. Our Creator!!



LOVE YOU.

............... all i want is more than 15 minutes to type a blog and change my laundry out.. before curfew...

This weekend, we've been talking about reaching the nations... and how it's God's heartbeat.

I completley agree with this statement. Without reaching the nations, why would Jesus have really died on this cross? For what purpose? ... Every creature was made to glorify God. In every tongue and every nation.

I think sometimes, we are so anxious to reach... Africa, Asia, Eruope, South America, Canada... we completley skip out on a very dangerous and dying nation: America.

I know, I know, the 10-40 window has the majority of lost people in one section, and those people don't have any access to the gospel.

But, isn't that where we as americans are becoming dangerous?? We have complete access to the gospel. In every language. And we could probably pay someone to print words in a different font to make it more appealing....

So... why do we have the most dead christians here? Why are we living in a world of churches that are dying every day, and churches that are definatley not following the gospel... instead following their own agendas.

I don't write this because I'm bitter, I write because there is a definate need that we overlook every single day as we pray for the nations.

Not once this weekend did we sit back and pray for our government, our states, the lost here....


Next time you begin to think about God's heartbeat... remember America.

Maybe someday I will be free.. from these memories haunting me.

I found a love letter today
That you gave me for no reason at all
i read it for over an hour
and I can't throw it away

remember when you were amazed?
remember when this was so perfect?
remember when we lifted each other up?
remember when we drove for hours?

and one day, oh i know i'll be free
from all of these memories that pass me by
and one day, i know i'll be free...
from all of these memories you gave me.

you surprised me with flowers
on the worst day i've ever had.
you drove 20 miles across town
just to comfort me

remember when we were amazed?
remember when this was so real?
remember when we thought we found it?
remember how we wanted to spend every holiday with each other?
remember when we lived for the day..
together?


Sorry for the emo-ness, guys. I've been kinda down lately, listening to Dave Matthews and Stephen Speaks all day... haha...

I pray that one day a guy can sweep me off my feet. I have stuck to this floor for so long, and I'm ready to be pursued.

Jesus will bring Him. And He's going to be so amazing. And so much better than i've imagined.

home sweet home...

Well, on Monday I woke up with a sore throat. I didn't think much of it, but when I woke up Tuesday morning I was absolutley miserable. I stayed in bed all day long, and then my parents came and picked me up last night. I went to the doctor this morning, and they drew blood, and a strep test. I didn't have strep, but I have a high enough White Blood Cell count to need some anti-biotics and a shot. The PA looked at my ears, nose, and throat, and came to a conclusion that I was sick. Ha! Apparantly everything was swolen, and my mom says my face looks swolen.

I am so tired to do anything... I can only sleep or lay here and watch TV, it even hurts to hold my head up...

Please be praying for me.. I want to get back to the creek ASAP!
Love you all!

First blog....?

"For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you -- that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith, both yours and mine." --Romans 1:11-12

What a beautiful thought of being encouraged by others faith.. and others being encouraged by my faith.

I don't really know how much I will update this.. but I know that I truly enjoy writing, and sometimes, I just need to get my mind off of things... through writing.