You still have me in your hands. You aren't letting go, even when I have. Thank you Lord for your promise.

In the valleys... and in the meadows...

I've had a lot going on. And, not to be Debbie Downer, but it's actually really frustrating, and really depressing.

I'm really learning what it means to trust and love Jesus just as much in the valleys as we do in the meadows.

Recently, a friend of mine who is having an excellent time in life, getting just about all the blessings one can imagine, said to me, "God is SO good, and SO faithful."... and she looked at me, and I know I probably had the saddest look on my face..

He is?

I remember my thoughts as she said that. I said to myself, "it's easy for you to say... everything is working out for you".

Going through this valley.. it's hard. And there are parts where I'm sure I was dragged through rocks. And there's parts of this journey where I look up to the sky... and say, "God, where are you, and why aren't you helping me get out of here?". There are days where I decide I am selfish, and I just want so sit next to a swamp of alligators so they can eat me alive.

Of course, these are all exaggerations.

What I keep trying to pound into this little brain of mine is the open hand policy. In Job 1:21, He says, "The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away". Living with hands open is absolutely hard.

There's a song that I relate to this verse... but the verse of the song says,

Blessed be your name in the Land that is Plentiful

When the sun's shining down on me

When the world's all as it should be

Blessed be your name.

Blessed be your name

When I'm found in the desert place

though I walk through the wilderness

blessed be your name

Through the loss of friendships,

Blessed be Your name.

When I'm lost and confused,

Blessed be Your name.

When I feel like I have been dragged against rocks,

Blessed be Your name.

When I'm having a great day,

Blessed be Your name.

When I'm living in your presence,

Blessed be Your name.

National Champs

We won the national title last night, and it was a great game

When all is said and done..

My redeemer lives.

When I'm hurt, angry, bruised, and broken...

My redeemer still lives.

Thank you for your promise, Jesus. It's getting me through the day even if I have no idea why I'm hurt.

I made it across the country...

I spent the last week in North Carolina. We drove, and it was epic. I had alot of fun, I am very glad to be back in my home state, though.




I've spent alot of time today thinking about this :

17The LORD said, "Shall I hide from Abraham what I am about to do, 18seeing that Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him? 19For I have chosen him, that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing righteousness and justice, so that the LORD may bring to Abraham what he has promised him." - Genesis 18:17-19

I don't know God's plan in why he does things. Recently, I don't understand why God allows us to get hurt, and feel like we are being dragged through a trench with tons of barbed wire and pointy rocks. That is a mystery to me - But I guess that's who God is. It's kind of frustrating, but I guess at some point, this pain will be worth it, and I'll understand who God is better.

This verse reminds me that He has a plan for me - and He calls me to intimacy with Him, and only Him. He has chosen me - and because I am a believer, I am guaranteed the same promises he promised Abraham (It says that in Galatians). Thats so comforting.




I'm thinking about being crafty later tonight. I'll let you know, blog world, how it goes.

"when I look at our churches, this is what I see: alot of people who have added Jesus to their lives. People who have, in a sense, asked Him to join them on their life journey, to follow them wherever they feel they should go, rather than following Him as commanded. The God of the universe is not something we can just add to our lives and keep on as we did before. The spirit who raised Christ from the dead is not someone we can just call on when we want a little extra power in our lives. Jesus Christ did not die in order to follow US. He died and rose again so that we could forget everything else and follow Him to the cross, to the life" -Francis Chan

Humming a different tune...

've written you a lot of songs
The kind you write on rainy days
Unrequited love
But now I'm humming a different tune
Just twelve hours ago
I was sitting on a bench with you

I've never heard of something that sweet
But are you sure you want me?

I tried to say, I want this to work
And yet take off the weight
If you change your mind, I won't hurt forever
Because I don't know what else to do
But I'd do anything to have three more hours on a bench with you

I've never heard of something that sweet
But are you sure you want me?

Everything within me doesn't want to risk
Doesn't want to risk anymore
But if it means I get to see the light in your eyes
I'll risk so much more

I've never heard of something that sweet
But are you sure you want me?

I won't be full of second guesses
So now I'll just sit and think about how sweet it is
-Bethany Dillon - Are you Sure?

And here is my current concern....

I decided today it would be a good idea to start looking at seminaries. I wasn't too prepared with the college scenario, so I decided to get a head start today. Overwhelming. What am I doing with my life? All of the sudden, I couldn't think why I'm a Communications major, why I want to go to seminary, if I'm limited on what I can study in seminary because I'm a girl... and all of these things started to unfold in front of my eyes.

Along with these other concerns, this weekend I've been thinking quite a bit about what I want to do with my life. I want to work with a youth group. I want to disciple, encourage, and motivate students. I want the outcast girls to love Jesus. I want the prissy girls to love Jesus. This is what I want to spend my life doing... but I'm not so sure what Jesus thinks sometimes


Jesus gives a good example in Luke 9. In verse 59, To another he said, "Follow me." But he said, "Lord, let me first go and bury my father". And Jesus said to him, "Leave the dead to bury their own dead. But as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God."

I don't know where to start - or where to serve. Or what that looks like. I've had a hard enough time trying to find a church home here in this town, much less somewhere to serve.

Growing up sucks.

Revival is near...

I am so thankful to have finally found a church family. Huge blessing. As of right now, it is 30 minutes away from where I live, but there is a church plant coming to my city. PTL (Praise the Lord). Through that, God has opened so many doors for me to know him more, and know him intimately.

All my life, I've grown up in a fairly conservative church... which, don't get me wrong - they are doing some great things in the world. This year is the first time, however, i have been introduced to the Holy Spirit in my life. Because of that, my life has drastically, and its an unexplainable thing. I've never in my life thought as God, the creator of the universe mind you, as a healer, my passion, my flame, my fire. Never have I seen God that way. I know thats crazy to say, but I think so many times we begin to ignore who he is and why he is here. We get caught up in tradition singing songs and then having a three point sermon. Recently, I visited a church with my friend that sang before worship... and I didn't see one person singing a heartfelt message (i know, who am i to judge). We sing to INVITE the holy spirit in. I think at some point we've gone all wrong in deciding how services should be held, or what constructs a 'sermon'... I think sometimes we think we need fill in the blanks on our bulletin or we need a 3 point sermon with all of the points beginning with the letter 'S'.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that sometimes, we all put God in this box, and we don't allow him to escape. Sometimes, we put him inside a stained glass window and we don't let him out. What I'm asking you to do, and hoping you will see... is to let him out... There are so many great things that are still to be done, and if we don't rely on the Holy Spirit to do it... WHO WILL?! We, as humans, can't convict, or comfort, heal, be a fire, or a flame. But Christ can. Let him out. Allow him to work. Allow the world to change because of it.

I guess thats what has been on my heart lately.

Also, I'm realizing more and more that I am dealing with some culture-shock issues. I've become less motivated, more messy, and more aggravated with the Church. I don't know if you can see that within my writings.



As you look at a few of these photos today, I ask that you would please join me in praying for Atheist and Buddhist Asia.



Funny thing that happened this week:
-my friends apparently (jokingly) signed me up for an online dating service. Goodness. That was fun...


Well. Thanks for reading!