don't be skeered

[only real creek-ians will get/understand my title of this blog...]

I'm not going to start this post out with a lie [I never do, but I feel like this is a strong statement, and it's gaining your attention, am I right??]

This summer absolutely scares me. I've spent the last two summers at falls creek... the greatest place to spend your summer, the greatest camp, and the LARGEST christian youth camp in the world. Working at the FC keeps me busy: I get up and attend my first meeting at 7:45 AM... I get one lunch and one dinner break, and then I head up to my cabin at about 11:00 PM every night. So, very literally, working for about 15 hours a day. It's a tough, and sometimes rough job.

I had early anticipation of returning to 'the creek' this summer. I applied the day applications went online - November 1. I applied, went to a dinner for returning staff members, and then... well, I guess God clearly didn't want me there.

I was offered a job to be an ARD next year, and because I accepted that, I was asked to stay the summer to prepare for the next year. So, I'm living in Shawnee of all places for the summer.

I worry that I won't have much to do this summer, and I'll spend it being absolutely lazy [the exact opposite of what I've done the past two summers..]. I know for a fact though that God called me and chose me for the ARD job. Maybe this is just another step of the 'wilderness'. Maybe this is a summer dedicated on me just focusing on who my savior and my redeemer is. I'm really not sure why - but by the end of the summer, I hope to have enjoyed my 3 months of summer in Shawnee.

A verse that I've really been reflecting on for this summer [when i'm not bitter...] is:

Be still and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in all the earth.

-Psalm 46:10

Despite my thoughts and feelings about my summer, He's called me here. Maybe for a new ministry, maybe to work on my spiritual life and growing with him. He will still be exalted in Shawnee, at Falls Creek, in China... and in the rest of the world... and that's what its all about! May God be exalted by these summer plans.. and may His plans become mine..

Tik Tok Kesha - Acoustic Cover

ranty-shmanty

Lately, I have had dreams about my friends that I met when I was in East Asia. It's haunting me, really. I don't know what's getting to me. I have dreams they are walking around in America with me... but sometimes I dream that I am back in my city with them.

I hope they're okay. I hope they are seeking after truth. Please pray for them. My friends.

The hardest year of my life... so far...

It's funny, you know?

I walked into my third year of college with confidence of making some sort of impact. Ready for Father to start revival, ready for him to really work in my life.

At that point, I didn't realize that the almighty God working in our lives wasn't always happy and joyful.

Through this past year; I've grown. I've been to places this year part of me wishes I hadn't. I've seen the depths of the pits, and been pushed in a swamp with alligators. but I've also seen the sun set in the most beautiful place imaginable, watch a flower bloom, and stand on the top of a mountain in sheer silence watching the world as it works.

This year, I lost some good friends. Some really, really good friends. I lost the person I thought would be my maid of honor. I lost the man I thought I was going to marry. It's funny, when you think about it. The closest people in my life, God ripped right out of my hands. The weird part is, I don't miss them as much as I should. There are days of course... but then there are others where I see God's purpose, protection, and plan in losing such dear, dear people to me.

This year, my heart got smashed on. Maybe the hardest it has ever gotten hurt. From hearing, "Sorry, I knew I was leading you on..." to "I think we should just be friends... I'm interested in your best friend"... man. It hurts still thinking about it. But somehow in that mess of broken hearts... God protected me... from getting hurt worse if I had really allowed those men into my heart. Father saved me from giving a piece of myself away.

I learned this year, that God sometimes takes really, really, really good things out of our lives. He doesn't just ask us to give Him the things that are hurting our relationship with Him - he takes everything he can from us to mold us and shape us into who we are called to be. and it HURTS. It hurts to be on the potters wheel... allowing him to bend us in a direction we didn't think he would go.

I have learned how to wait. Be patient. The man of my dreams - he'll come one day. He is going to sweep me off my feet, and ask me to dance in the middle of the street right after it rains. He's going to romance me - but I don't need him right now. I've got a life to live, you know?

Most of all, I've learned how to love and trust our almighty God through hardships. Loving him - because we know that these hardships are apart of his plan. His good, perfect, plan.

Everything is a part of the most High God's plan. Everything. And it always turns out for the better.

all i want is you..

If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.

If you were the love, I'd be the desire.

If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,

And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float.

-Barry Louis Polisar

Summmmmer

Yet another list.

To-Do : Summer 2010

-Get a GOOD tan
-Gavin Degraw Concert
-Mewithoutyou concert
-30 day shred (all 30 days)
-cafe oasis with kyle
-plaza district with lauren
-read as much as possible
-visit falls creek
-visit best friends {The Keeds, Trey, Kate, William, Jenny + any friends that want to hang out with me!}
-play board games at starbucks with funk and rachey
-become interested in a new TV show
-lose at least 30 pounds
-watch classic & old movies {breakfast at tiffanys, casa blana....etc}
-get a haircut/color
-get a pedicure
-sell stuff I don't use
-hold a garage sale
-be crafty... make hair barrettes, picture frames, etc


[WITH LAUREN... BUT YOU ARE WELCOME TO JOIN...]
-sauced
-sushi
-paseo
-kaisers milk shake
-sara sara
-cupcakes to go go
-photoshoot
-red cup
-the wedge
-cafe o
-asian district
-milk bottle
-the creek
-thrift stores
-the lake
-collected thread
-plaza district

It's going to be a good summer.

3-6-5 ... lets do the hand jive!

As of yesterday, there are 365 days until I graduate college. May 13. (today = 364). In honor of this, I made a list of things I want to accomplish in the next year. I will cross them off as they happen.

-write at least 3 new songs
-lose 50 pounds
-memorize 52 verses - one per week
-drink more water (by drinking two glasses of water per secular drink) (secular drink = soda, tea, etc)
-go on a date
-volunteer weekly
-mentor someone
-pray with people
-learn proper etiquette
-befriend at least 5 new people and get to know them well.
-learn how to shoot a gun
-run a 5K
-read more books
-strengthen vocabulary
-dress up 4/7 days per week
-have an accountability partner
-improve guitar and voice skills
-make the deans honor roll
-make handmade items
-encourage people 3 times a day
-write encouragement notes weekly
-have a garden
-learn more chinese phrases
-meet more international students from China

Can I do it? Sure hope so!

3-6-5 do the hand jive : one year left, blog coming very soon!!

sisters.

I am an avid supporter of social clubs. Today I would like to dedicate this post to Theta Sigma Chi.

My Freshman year, I came to OBU, and people in my life (such as my youth pastor and other OBU alum) scared me away from social clubs. Whenever I was invited to an open rush, i said, "heeeck no".... because the "Cool Kids" weren't in Social Clubs.

My second semester - I came back after a month long break, and somehow, all of my old friends began to cling to each other... without me. I had a few friends - Kylie and Aly - who were going to go to an open rush. I went, with no desire to join - at all.

I met the girls - and I was NOT impressed. somehow, God really used that experience. I thought about it, even after I had said I would never join one.. God clearly knew what he was doing, and urged me to join. So. I did.

Two years later - I cannot imagine my life without the people I have met through Theta. Gosh - these girls really have proved themselves to be my sisters. They stick up for me. They love me. We fight. They're there with a pint of ben & jerrys when I'm haivng a bad day. I would have NEVER expected to meet such amazing people while I was in college - especially in a 'sorority', if you will.

I have grown, and made a transformation with myself since my freshman year. While part of this could be blamed on growing up and through experiences, Theta has always been there for me on Monday nights with encouragement.

so, Thank you, to my sisters. For being there for me, and allowing me to be there for you in our heartache, in tough times, and especially in happy times. Thank you for being there while i've searched for myself, and loved me when I was cynical. Thank you for continually being the body of Christ to me.

Through Him, the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love as each part does its work. --Ephesians 4:16

I am your sustainer.

"When they found him on the other side of the sea, they said to him, 'Rabbi, when did you come here?' jesus answered them, 'Truly, I say to you, you are seeking me, not because you saw signs but because you ate your fill of the loaves. Do not labor for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you. For on him God the Father has set his seal'. - John 6 25-27

It's hard sometimes to trust God as our sustainer. I feel like one of these disciples who got a little bit of Jesus, I get full and a spiritual high off of Him, and then I leave. I go out and still live like I'm full. But, soon I come to realize that I'm starving. I run back to Jesus, and say, "Feed me, Lord! Feed me!". Of course, he does. He gives us his love - he fills us with his mercy, and forgiveness. We run back into this same cycle.

Sometimes, we even do this with relationships. I'll admit it; I really struggle a lot with relationships. I want to be in a relationship - I want to be loved, and I want to love someone. We get involved in these relationships, and then we get out of them, and realize that we were never sustained or filled in the first place.

Sometimes, we do this with religion. Sometimes, we run and hide ourselves in a religious cover. We lift up our hands, close our eyes, and become 'one with the holy spirit'. We leave church, and realize we never got full.

and Sometimes, we even do this with our appearance. We will look at ourself in the mirror, and we will make ourselves to look 'okay'... we will put a smile on our face, and realize we never even ate of the loaves. We simply stared at them. No confrontation. We know what we're running from, and we know our fake faces and fake lifestyles above all.

I guess what I'm trying to say - and maybe even what this scripture is saying - is that we run to so many places looking for something to fill our hunger. We look for relationships, religion, and even how we are perceived by others to fill us. We must begin to trust King Jesus - our Father, our Sustainer, our Bread of Life - we must trust him to fill us. He must be our food; our fuel. We won't make it on anything else.

What is your fuel? What do you eat instead of the Bread?